Taking a look in the mirror (Self love and acceptance)

I went to see the Chris Rock documentary "Good Hair," about a week ago. The movie touched on a lot of different things but what really stood out in my head was the perception that we have of our selves as black women and the things that shaped who we are, like the images that are on TV and the house holds we come from. It also posed a deeper question to me. What is beauty to you, and what perception of beauty do you project in your household?

From a young kid to an adult I have had almost everything done to my hair, from a jerry curl (shut up), to a long weave, relaxer, braids, natural, you name it I may have had it. Now that I'm older I prefer and occasional weave but I need my hair relaxed at all times. I never really thought of it as not embracing who I am at all, I just feel that I like my hair a certain way and that is how I am going to wear it. But then I started to think about my daughter, she is 7 years old now and she goes to the salon every two weeks to get her hair washed and braided. I personally love her hair fresh out of braids, wavy and natural but her father is always calling her Macy Gray and laughs at her hair but I think she is getting use to that now. Sometimes she will even go out with her hair in an Afro. Even with that being said she comes from a very big family and a lot of her cousins are mixed in nationality so I wondered how that has effected her and what is her perception of beauty?

So when I picked her up from the bus stop we did are usual kisses and hugs and how was your day, but as I pulled up to the house I turned off the car and I said, "Pooh, I want to ask you something and I want you to answer this as best as you can." She gave me a look of curiosity and said, "What mommy?" Ok now I'm thinking oh no what if she says something way out of left field, that I'm not ready for, oh well here goes nothing. "So what makes a person pretty to you Pooh." "Humm?" she says as she looks puzzled. I began to reassure her that she can answer as honest as possible. So she goes on to tell me," Well first it's the hair, you can have long hair, curly hair, braids, I like it when people have braids and the back straight down, that is pretty to me. Oh yeah even some short hair cuts are nice too." So I decide to take it a step further and ask her "Well what about skin color." (I mean come on y'all you know most of us grew up thinking light and curly was the bomb and some still believe that to this day). Bracing myself I'm ready for her answer. She seemed nervous but she proceeds, "Brown skin is pretty like me, all browns are nice." I began to smile "White skin is pretty too, like my cousins Tresure and Angel but white white skin ewww I don't like white skin mommy it is not pretty at all." As we walk into the house she then says, "Oh yeah and being too skinny or too fat is not pretty, people should be skinny like me but not to fat that they can't breath." I laugh and we both leave the conversation outside of the door.

A few days later I think back to this conversation and I'm saying to myself damn I missed the big picture. I was so elated that my baby embraces who she is I forgot to teach her the bigger lesson of embracing others for who they are. I should have told her that it is great to believe you are pretty, and that she is pretty but not just for her looks. I should have told her how proud I was of her for loving herself, but that we are all pretty in some way shape or form. I should have told her that beauty is not only because you have long or short, straight or curly hair, weather you are fat or skinny but beauty comes from within. I know sometimes it sounds like a load of crap but sit back and really think about it. Sometimes you can see the prettiest girl or the fliest dude but they have the most jacked up attitude, and that can change your whole image of that person. So I guess today on our ride home we will have a talk about acceptance. Acceptance of ourselves and others around us. I'm by no means the parent of the year but I do believe if we teach our children acceptance and tolerance at an early age as well as self love the world may not be the greatest place but it surly would be a better one.